There are a lot of single women out here who have their lives together. We’re educated, we have the house, the car, the clothes, great credit scores and active social lives. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want and need a loving romantic partner in our lives.

Independent women need love too!

For many of us, that desire remains unfulfilled. Why is that? I have a few thoughts on the subject.

Here Are Three Reasons Why I Believe Successful Ladies Are Often Passed By:

Photo: Nia Peeples/UrbLife

1. People Assume We’re Taken.  My parents poured into me. It was just expected that I go to college AND graduate. They taught me to be responsible, self-sufficient, neat and appropriately dressed. For an outsider looking in those latter two traits are characteristics often attributed to a lady with a husband or at least a monogamous beau.

People often create an imaginary partner for the independent woman because she could not possibly be this awesome by herself, right?

I have been told multiple times that I “look like I have a man.” I tend to think that is the excuse some men use not to approach me because they fear rejection. Hey guys, you’ll never know until you try (wink). However, if you don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of that’s a different bag of burritos and it is probably best that time isn’t wasted.

2. We Don’t Need to Be Saved. Some men like a damsel in distress; Someone who requires saving from her circumstances or herself. Men want to fix things. Therefore, women like me – who can pay their own car registration, aren’t in search of a place to live, and can feed themselves without a problem- are thought to have no non-sexual needs at all. Untrue! But, I mean… if you’re volunteering to pay my mortgage, go right ahead.


I respond to acts of service-that’s my “Love Language.” The way I receive love is by things being done for me without a formal request. If you know I’m moving, offer to help. If I’ve shared with you that I’m on a path to accomplish a certain goal, and you have a contact to move it further along, suggest an introduction. It’s not about fixing but more about adding to my life as I add to yours.

3. People Think We’re “High Maintenance.” I love my bi-weekly mani/pedi, and hair appointments, and I also enjoy a nice handbag – All of which I pay for. An older gentleman I struck up a conversation with in the grocery store complimented me on my hair style. After I thanked him he added “I know that’s a lot of money to keep up. I’d take one look at you (while he looked me up and down) and say, high maintenance.” His face then held and expression that would indicate “No thank you.” I can’t help but wonder if men think that if they embark upon a relationship with someone like me, they will be required to take over financing my rituals? The answer is, no.

Bottom line, independent women are the way we are because this show of life must go on with or without a partner. Who wants to wait around for a healthy relationship to travel, purchase property, start a business or be a mom (if that’s your thing)?


My motto is, I’m celebrating my now!

And if a man gets on board to add to what I’ve already begun, I’ll be ready.


The concept of  “letting go” can be counter-intuitive to hard driving “make sh– happen” women, but it could be the key to attracting what you want. Find out Zuri Walker believes “Letting Go is a Revolutionary Act of Self Love.”





Sadia Sanders on Email
Sadia Sanders
Creator at Urban Spinster
I am a single life expert using my experiences to teach other singles to live their lives confidently.